Friday, April 27, 2007

Torii Hunter: give us the champagne

After last night's rainout, thoughts inevitably turn to this weekend's series against the Minnesota Twins. At 12-10, the Twins find themselves in a tie for third place in the division, one game behind the Tigers and a game and a half out of first place. Clearly, this weekend's action could cause a shakeup in the standings.

But the real story about the Twins thus far centers on star outfielder Torii Hunter, who made good on a promise he made to the Kansas City Royals last fall: he publicly asked the Royals to sweep the Tigers, which would allow the Twins to win the division, and in return he promised them champagne.

However, it turns out that this is a pretty big violation of MLB rules -- giving a gift to another team as a reward for defeating a common opponent carries a penalty of ineligibility for at least three years! That's a very large price to pay for four bottles of Dom Perignon. Fortunately for Hunter, the Royals didn't pop the cork; they're sending the champagne back to Minnesota. (For what it's worth, Jim Leyland has weighed in on the issue, calling it a "silly little idiotic thing." Go ahead, you tell that brusque codger he's wrong.)

So, we here at Detroit Tigers Results! have a solution to this problem: Torii Hunter, we will be happy to accept those bottles of champagne on the Royals' behalf.

It is not illegal to give Wockenfuss and I gifts, as we are most definitely not connected to any MLB club. We enjoy alcohol a fair amount, and Dom is a tiny bit out of our price range. We have wives who would be very impressed with us if we served them chilled Dom, or if we chugged a whole bottle without stopping. Plus, it was our favorite team that collapsed down the stretch, leading to your division title and playoff run.

Torii, we're calling on you to do the right thing. Give the champagne to us.

No comments: